On change

Sometimes you get to the point where you have to change something.

Until then, you can cope and cope and cope.

That moment. The one that changes everything, can be tiny. One you might overlook if it didn’t happen at the exact right time.

There’s a special combination of attitude and exhaustion and hope and dread and longing and probably magic involved, that works with the circumstances and the strangers and the people you think you know, to produce a spark, to set all the balls rolling in new and exciting ways, to shake up the customary and create something amazing.

Revolutionary, if only on a small scale. A personal scale. The only one that really matters.

The newness, when it arrives, washes in, like the tide on a lumpy beach. Some parts flood completely, in one go, others take longer, the waves lapping longest at the shore of commitment and duty until they too relent and give up the fight ready to join the party.

Sometimes, after months of indecisive hesitation, you just know, and act, and relax.

And breathe. As if you’d somehow forgotten how to before, and only now remembered.

The kind of remembering which is more like relearning. Or learning for the first time.

Fresh. Deep. Exhilarating.
*breathes*

Again and again and again.

***

Tomorrow, or on Sunday,  I hope to finish the Dog series. This post needed writing today, otherwise I would have waited until afterwards.

2 Replies to “On change”

  1. Oh Jesska, love the words and thoughts you express in this. it does sometimes feel like you’ve been holding your breathe for eons before you get to that point. Breathe deeply and clearly and savour the moment.

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