On living a disappointingly boring life

Among the things I don’t actually know to be scientifically proven but assume to be true based on observation, risk-addiction doesn’t appear to be genetic. Some people do a lot of crazy, scary, dangerous, adventurous, amazing, story-worthy things with their lives. Some don’t. I, unfortunately, am firmly ensconced within the second group, where I am […]

On homemade crumpets and future memories

“Thank you” he said, wrapping the second tissue around the small stack of slightly soggy crumpets. “That’s really sweet of you.” He looked at me, “this is the sort of thing I’ll still remember in 10 years..” He paused and looked briefly at his feet before looking up again, “..I wonder what I’ll be remembered […]

On unempathetic headfighting

I have a handful of friends I very (very, very) rarely see in person. We live too far apart and our lives don’t collide on any kind of regular basis. Instead, we write (and now that corona’s struck, we have more time for more in-depth writing). Technology is a wonderful thing. Except. Except, regardless of […]

On love and phone theft

I phoned a friend yesterday. Half an hour or so into the conversation her partner came into the room.. Friend’s Partner: is that Jess? Friend: yes.. Friend’s Partner: I want to talk to her, give me the phone *takes phone* Friend: (in background) ..but.. Friend’s Partner: shh! Go away, I’m on the phone! Friend: ..but.. […]

On Jesus and the Billy Goats Gruff

Has anyone else noticed the similarities between the prophets, John the baptist and Jesus with the three Billy Goats Gruff? “Me? Nah, I’m not tasty/big/important/mighty enough – you want the next guy, he’s much tastier/bigger/more important/mightier than me!” (the small part where Jesus dies can be overlooked as part of the biggest-billy-goat-kicks-troll’s-butt scuffle – coming […]

On balance

It seems that it’s impossible to add purely Good Things to a life. Great news? Bam! Bad news. Good mood? Bam! Some reason to hide. Have lots to do inside at the weekend? Bam! Have a couple of fabulously warm sunny days so you either feel guilty about missing them by being inside or about […]

On tears and tablets

I need to go shopping. The tears fall heavily, the breaths juddering and irregular, my thoughts spiralling and my face getting steadily more puffy. The tears have nothing to do with my need to go shopping. They’re just there. And their presence is a hindrance. I want go back to bed. To hide. To cry […]

On making time to be ill

It’s Friday. I’m supposed to be in the middle of a two day committee meeting. Instead I am lying on a towel looking at this: rejoicing at the slight breeze and listening to the birdsong and the buzzing of a million insects. Yesterday I looked up at the sky through the branches for the first […]

On going directly to prison

A couple of days ago I came across a YouTube video of a person I’d never heard of before being arrested. The arrest had been caught on camera by spectators. So far so normal. People get arrested all the time and people have had access to video recording equipment for a long time. A couple […]

On the day the world didn’t stop turning

Sometimes, when you’re small and still busy growing up, people tell you not to do certain things because otherwise Bad Things will happen. Sometimes, many years later, you do those things anyway, and realise that the world doesn’t actually spontaneously combust, or stop turning or fall on your head. It’s quite a let down in […]

On being an awful partner

I currently have a friend over for a long weekend and I am becoming more and more aware that I am not cut out for a long-term female partnership.. How do I know? I have no patience for conversations about frilly knickers, nail varnish, the best way to burn candles or which bread has the […]