“Don’t ask what the world needs, ask what makes you come alive, and go do it.
Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
– Howard Thurman
One of my favourite people told me today that she sees me as a “PowerFrau”. That translates literally as “power woman”, but kind of loses something in the translation. She means she thinks I’m always doing/achieving something. She occasionally has a point. In the last 6 months I have, among other less noteworthy things, dug a pond, been to evening classes, survived a breakup, sat exams, moved house, set up a 350l aquarium, written and presented a dissertation, driven across Germany, visited my family in England twice, produced the prizes for a chemistry competition, helped a friend pack the contents of her house ready to move and worked more or less full time.
I don’t feel like a PowerFrau at the moment though. I feel like someone’s stolen my batteries, and maybe filled the space with lead. There are some days where life is just hard. Everything seems heavier than normal and it counts as an achievement to survive the entire day intact. It doesn’t help that it’s damp and dark for most of my non-working hours.
What I need to do to feel alive is probably sleep more. My sleep dept might not be as obviously well-recorded as my sister’s, but it’s still made it’s mark and left rainbow-coloured suitcases under my eyes. I look forward to a time where I’m not dragging myself to work, where I feel up to cooking, where I can imagine going anywhere non-urgent, for pleasure, instead of curling up on my sofa. Where watching the fish is something I do between activities instead of the main attraction. Where washing my hair isn’t a hassle and going shopping is something I can be excited about.
That’s a vision for a future in which I am slightly more alive than I am now. The future beyond that will hopefully be even better, I just can’t picture it yet.
I would much rather have regrets about not doing what people said, than regretting not doing what my heart led me to and wondering what life had been like if I’d just been myself.
– Brittany Renée
(Just to fill a bit of the gap before I finally post one of the million half-finished posts in my folder.
Yes, it’s relevant, because I would rather spend time writing than [insert all the things other people think I should be doing instead]. I hope I will somehow make MY priorities feature more often in my life soon. Now to figure out how… 🙂
Just found this: written on the morning after the Brexit vote:
“Good afternoon, and welcome to a brave new EU-free world.
Just to recap: the UK has voted to leave the European Union in a result that came down to just 1.39m votes.
The value of the pound has dropped through the floor. Sinn Fein are calling for a united Ireland. Prime minister David Cameron has resigned. SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon has said that Scotland is looking at a new independence referendum. The Labour party has tabled a motion to get rid of Jeremy Corbyn.
And it’s only lunchtime.
– Bethan McKerban
Whatever you think of the whole Brexit thing, you have to agree that’s a fantastic summary :).
Today, walking back through town from a meeting, I was asked about my course, what it involves, why I’m doing it etc etc etc.. Meandering further, we moved onto work in general, and where I work in particular. Work is a difficult topic for me at the best of times, and inevitably I started complaining about some people I work with (but pretending not to*) when the guy I was talking to stopped me and said this:
“You know what? It sounds like you’re a perfectionist. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it probably means you’re really hard to work with.”
He’s someone whose opinion I value, so I think I have something to chew on for a while….
“Wherever I am, the world comes after me. It offers me its busyness. It does not believe that I do not want it.
Now I understand why the old poets of China went so far and high into the mountains, then crept into the pale mist.”
– Mary Oliver, Why I Wake Early
I wouldn’t go so far as to wake up early on purpose*, and I don’t have any decent mountains here, but I can certainly understand not wanting to accept the constant hassle, the hectic, the busyness thrust at me 😉
I’ve only recently discovered this poet, but I think I’m already addicted. 🙂