On motivation.. (or lack of)

< something I wrote yesterday >

"I work in a motivation vacuum. Any motivation I ever had, even what was stored in reserve, is sucked out of my being as soon as I walk through the doors. No matter how inspiring the weekend, how urgent the task at hand, the nagging and stropping of my colleague, the shinyness of my sink, none of it helps. Occasionally I can hide it until midday, but it's always found and sucked away. I don't want to end up some kind of wreck. I actually like what I do, naja, at least when it works. I want to make amazing things, but somehow I have no energy, no strength, no oomph. I don't actually know what the problem is.. If I did it might be easier to do something about it. I've tried changing places, washing the windows, decorating the wall. I have a [marginally] later start time. I still don't make it to work earlier than absolutely necessary, and often come too late. My exam is in less than 6 months and I can't bring myself to find the bother to care or revise or practise."

On baby chickens and other Mystery Guests

I found the skeleton of a baby bird in my bathroom vent (see Day 14). It was well and truely dead (as in, only the bones were left) but it still made me queasy. It’s snowed here so I couldn’t really bury it properly. I dropped it off my balcony into the bushes instead. As a compromise for the heartless burial, I walked through the snow on my balcony barefoot. Apparently it’s good for the circulation. And I was already barefoot from cleaning the vent.

I hope it wasn’t the baby chicken my landlord heard. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t. I would have smelled it if it was.. Right? I hope it was already there before I moved in. That somehow makes it less my fault, even though falling down the shaft was something the bird did by itself.

My Mystery Guest went home today. He left the first message in my 2013 Guestbook. He wrote:

Dear Jesska,

One seldom finds such open and nice people as you in life. Therefore I thank you for your sincere/hearty hospitality during the festival and wish you lots of pleasure/enjoyment with your Couchsurfing Project.

P. [his name]

P.S. I ate 2 eggs for breakfast, I hope you weren’t planning on making Omelette this evening πŸ˜‰

It sounded better in German, but it’s still pretty good in English πŸ™‚ I like having good “written-down-comments” – they cheer me up on the days when I don’t get good “spoken-comments”.

Whatever.

I think I declare the CouchSurfingProjekt 2013 officially started πŸ™‚ I still have to register, but I think it could be fun πŸ™‚

On late nights and strange men

– Thanks Ed Sheeran for the title πŸ˜‰ –

This is a post I’ve been wanting to write for a week*. I can’t say I didn’t have time, because I had as much time as in any other week, I just used it for other things…Β  πŸ˜‰ I think it’s going to be a long one… πŸ˜‰ Admit you wanted one, and don’t tell me I didn’t warn you..

I haven’t been in bed before midnight since I can’t remember when, maybe last week sometime.. And men are strange. I’m going to provide some examples, but they probably won’t begin to cover the strangeness of men in general πŸ˜‰

***

I changed the workshop round on Monday. Most of the move had to do with the atmosphere in the workshop and my inability to work when distracted as well as wanting to create distance between myself and the ‘unhappy’ person (man) with whom I share my workshop..

***

I went dancing on Tuesday. I think I wrote about how I have a whole group of new people to get to know. As a woman, I tend to dance with men, which makes getting to know the women a little more difficult. Naja, at the end of the dance class, all the women vanished, leaving me and 3 of the guys to decide what we were going to do with the rest of the evening. There was the offer of meeting the intermediate danceclass for waffles, but they’d been there for an hour or so already and were on the verge of going home. The dance teacher had mentioned a bar/club/restaurant which has a Brazilian evening every Tuesday. We dance Forro, a Brazilian dance, so that sounded pretty cool. When we got there we were greeted by a rather underdressed lady who presented me with a coupon for a free cocktail; ladies only. I was a little disturbed by the idea, but maybe my imagination is too active. The others tried to get her to give them coupons too, but she wasn’t covinced by their feminine sides. The dancefloor was entirely empty as we finally made our way down the stair into the underlit bar. An even scantilier clad lady sat on a stool singing while a couple of guys accompanied her on a DJ mixing deck (???). A this point I wanted to bail out. I didn’t because.. actually I don’t really know why because.. I just told the barkeeper-bloke who appeared out of the gloom that we wanted to sit somewhere, and that there were 4 of us. It’s probably not fair to assume the others were too busy oggling to answer. It was pretty loud, maybe they didn’t hear him ask….

*grins* A short while later things started looking up. The others ordered burgers (Tuesday special) and one of them offered to buy me a non-alchoholic cocktail in exchange for my ‘surprise’ cocktail which the waiter kindly explained was premixed and therefore couldn’t be made without. I ended up with 2 half-burgers (the special involved buy one get one free and all 3 of them ordered them. Only one managed to eat both of his) in addition to my non-alcoholic contail. In return, I let myself be persuaded onto the dancefloor by one of them, where we were the only dancers. A couple of songs later, one of the others demanded it was his turn, and a couple of songs after that we all decided it was late and we should probably go home. And that was the end of another interesting day.

***

I spent a lot of time between Thursday and yesterday with a man with metre long dreadlocks who has been staying at my house for the duration of the film festival in the city. He’s a pretty awesome guy. Runs a film school for people who aren’t interested in making Hollywood style films. He knows EVERYTHING there is to know about films, and shared a minute fraction of that knowledge with me. I am now a million times more knowledgeable about films than I was before… He got me a film festival pass, and helped me decide which films would probably be worth watching.

***

I walked home last night and was asked, “Can I know you, please?” by a random stranger on a bench. I’m not really sure what that means. I know the Bible occasionally refers to sex as ‘knowing” someone, but I’d never heard anyone use it in normal conversation (as far as yelling at passing strangers counts as normal conversation) so I assume he was foreign (though I couldn’t say where from) and just wanted someone to talk to… I don’t particularly need more strange men in my life at the moment, so I smiled, pretended not to understand his broken English, and carried on home. He went back to his beer. Which is probably a good thing, considering.

 

* I’d almost finished it too, but left it in Drafts. I’ve finished it off (wasn’t much needed) and posted it today, 29.7.16, 3 1/2 years later, but it the ‘rightful place’….

On changing sides

-or how I waged war on the workshop-

This morning I left my role of victim and became the perpetrator.

This morning I asked/told my colleague about my brilliant idea. He took it far better than I thought he was going to, simply replying sardonically; “it’s a good thing you don’t go on holiday more often. I couldn’t cope with many more of your ideas.” Having agreed he even more amazingly helped me carry it out, since he’s ‘the last person who’s going to stand in my way’. Could’ve fooled me. But maybe I just haven’t noticed the rest of the world because I was looking the wrong way.

Almost 12 hours later I was finished. Naja, not really. But a lot closer than before.

I would love to post pictures but I don’t have the right cable for my camera πŸ™ Maybe I’ll figure out how to use the bluetooth tomorrow..

 

Hmm? You’re confused? No way! You haven’t guessed what my idea was yet? Hmm.

Okay.

I’ll tell you.

I swapped places at work. I am now no longer the centre of attention, I no longer have a hoard of old men sitting around watching me work, I will hopefully no longer be distracted or commented on or dragged into tortuous discussions. I will be able to go to work, and work while I’m there. I won’t have to spend my evenings practising for my exam while no one’s watching, because I’ll have spent the day practising. I won’t have to grit my teeth trying not to go mad at the idiotic banter. I won’t have to pretend I care that my boxes are blocking the way to the radio, because they won’t be anywhere near it. I won’t have to answer the telephone just when my apparatus is getting to a crucial point, because I’ll be too far away πŸ˜‰

Life could get a whole lot brighter πŸ™‚

The workshop is longer than it is wide. A row of 2m high windows runs along one of the long sides. Against the wall under the windows runs a worktop known as the windowsill. Underneath that is another shelf and under that the radiator. There are 4 workbenches each placed perpendicular to the windows, facing towards one of the short walls. My colleague sits at the back facing the entire workshop, then came my bench, then the spare bench he uses for Quartz, and then the bench hidden by something like a million boxes of Glass Things. Each bench has 3 chests of drawersΒ  holding it up (solidly – they’re incredibly cool benches ;)). One on the left, then a space for your legs, then two on the right. My bench hung over the edge of the drawers on the left, meaning you could place a table half underneath the end. The table is wider than my bench, so it sticks out on 3 sides, each approximately facing my bench. That is where everybody sits. The end of my bench was also exactly opposite the door. When anyone came in, I was the first person they made eye contact with (the rest were sitting with their backs to the door), and hence the person they brought their broken glass to. I don’t mind, that’s pretty much what I’m there for, but it didn’t do my popularity many favours.. Workshop Leader’s don’t appreciate being ignored, even [or especially] if they are drunk.

I now sit right at the front, with my nose to the wall πŸ™‚ The world happens behind me. My colleague’s not happy about it, but he hasn’t actually told me how unhappy he is, so I’m going ahead while I still have the chance πŸ™‚ He told everyone who’d listen that we were putting up the new east-west divide and only stopped when someone pointed out that he’d be on the east side… He also said (to them) that one of us was there to work and the other was there to act (or for the drama?). It’s quite nice acting and not just reacting πŸ™‚

 

Today was pretty chaotic.

We -or more specifically my colleague because I’m useless when it comes to being usefull- carted the boxes of Glass Things into the Storeroom where they will probably continue to collect dust in a similar fashion – why change the habit of a lifetime? I was going to put them on the Quartz bench and put the Quartz lamp on my table but that was totally out of the question. “What would that look like?!!”

I was never especially talented in those games where you have one space and 8 or 15 square pieces you have to slide around to make a picture. You know the ones? I haven’t seen one for years, but they were incredibly popular while I was small. Anyway, that’s what the rest of my day was like.

Once the boxes were gone I set about washing the layer of dust, grime and glittery glass sprinkles off the bench, the window sill, the window, the wall, the thin space between the bench and the wall. I’d like to say I’ve never seen such filth, but I’d be lying. I already washed everything once, and it’s only been 18 months since then. When I did it last time it had been more like 18 years since the last wash. *shudders*. Moving on. Once the worktop was clear I swapped the drawers round. Then I had to find space for all the stuff that’s accumulated over the years, and rearrange the plants to accommodate my Glass-Tubing-Rack. My old ‘windowsill’ was divided by a huge concrete pillar, my new windowsill is complete. I didn’t want to adopt the junk so I had to play Workshop-Tetris to get it all into the other spaces. As soon as there was space for my feet on my windowsill I washed the windows, and moved the plants. Then I moved everything from on top of my old bench to the new one. In between times I swept the floor, including under the radiators, and explained to everyone who came in and wanted to know, just what exactly I was doing.

It’s amazing/terrifying how much RUBBISH you collect when you settle in anywhere. I’ve been there for just over 3 years. I have 15 drawers and several cardboard boxes – bits of broken stuff that I need to mend or rescue the joints off, preparations for projects I never got round to finishing, small bits of tubing that are too short to put back but too long to justify throwing away, bits of paper with scribbled lists of things to do, or instructions for building something undiscernible, newspaper articles, Wikipedia-printouts from conversations with the ‘other guy’ (he can be relied on to bring a semi-relevant article with him the day after a discussion), old calendars.. just STUFF!. There was no way I was going to go through it all today, so I’ve hardly touched the content of the drawers, preferring to leave it for a better day. I packed everything else into fewer, bigger, boxes where it can also wait for me to get round to it. I’m thinking of tackling it Flylady style – 15 mins at a time.

What also amazed me was my colleague’s enthusiastic clear out of the things that have been occupying the end of my bench since my arrival. As long as I was there they HAD to be there; “that bit of the table’s ours”, now I’ve gone; “if we’re doing tidy, we’re doing tidy properly” !! Still, I can’t say I’m very sorry they’re gone. I’m not sure how much anyone needs small, talking, stuffed domina-mice.

 

Now to get some sleep so I’m ready for tomorrow πŸ™‚

 

Oh yeah, and I’m allowed to decorate the wall too πŸ™‚ 2 x 3 1/2m fresh unadulterated wall – mmmmmmmmm πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ And no more naked ladies!

On landlords, strange noises and holidays

Well.. that was weird.

I was in my dining room, with music on, when I heard a noise in the hall. It sounded like something opening; a door or a cupboard or something. Living by myself means if I’m not opening anything, nothing should be being opened. So I went to look.

Apparently my landlord had heard a noise too and come to investigate. Only he’d heard a different sort of noise and created the one I heard by letting himself into my house.

Hmm.

I’d told them (technically I told his wife) I was going away for Christmas and not told them I was back, so I suppose I don’t mind them checking that everything’s ok… Not sure I appreciate them coming in without ringing the bell though. Even if ringing when you’re sure enough that whoever you’re visiting is away to make it necessary to check everything’s ok is kind of silly. But if they’re not there, they won’t know how many times you ring, and if they ARE, then it saves yourself the embarrassment of being caught red-handed breaking into your tennant’s house like my landlord just was.

Now to look for the ‘Original Noise’, the one he’d heard, the one that caused all this breaking unlocking and entering.

‘peep-peep-peep Β Β  peep-peep-peepΒ Β  peep-peep-peep’ (his description of The Noise)

Sounds like an alarm clock to me. Or a baby chicken.

I don’t have any baby chickens. And all my alarm clocks are unplugged (ooh! must remember to plug them in over the course of the day) so the only thing that could make peep noises is my phone. Since I got up it’s been lying on my desk in the dining room. Silently.

Hmm.

It’s a mystery. I will have to look for stray chickens.

On complaints, halos and air conditioning

(- or “apparently it does work” -)

I have been bemoaning the state of the air conditioning unit at work for about the last 3 years; pretty much as long as I’ve been there. I don’t [think I] moan much, but when I do find something I consider worth moaning about, I’m pretty consistent. In this case I feel especially justified. I work with glass and gasflames and have my nose directly over the resulting noxious fumes. But, and this is a meaningful but, we do actually have an air conditioning unit, which is more than some workshops, and for that I ought to be eternally thankful, despite thinking it’s situated too far over my nose to be any use.

Naja.

Today I found out that it works, at least part time.

My halo was apparently sucked up into it, and is now gone. πŸ™

I hadn’t actually noticed, no idea how I managed to miss something that catastrophic, but luckily my colleague was good enough to tell me.

I’m left wondering how I’m going to deal with this monumental loss. If anyone has any ideas, or has seen one floating around looking lonely, please let me know. Thanks.

On the danger of over-eating on a Saturday.

I ate LOTS on Saturday evening. I hadn’t had much lunch apart from the cake at the sale, and there was a galoptious potfull of leftovers to eat up. We didn’t quite achieve empty, even with 15 of us, but I did my best ;). Not sure to what extent my stomach would agree with me on that – on top of actually eating too much, lentils seem to expand once you’ve eaten them. I went home with the feeling I’d narrowly escaped exploding.

I tend to eat too much, then curl up to digest, a bit like a snake. This meant that I wasn’t really hungry on Sunday, in turn meaning I didn’t really eat (apart from yogurt, the most amazing chocolate muesli and the left over crisps from my ‘party’).

This morning, I woke up to the sound of my meanest alarm clock blaring in my ears. I have several and the mean one’s really only for emergencies – I usually wake up to one of the milder ones and turn the mean one off before it wakes the whole street up or someone calls the fire brigade. This morning I’d slept through the others and even this one had somehow managed to work its way into my dream and escape detection.

The reason for my ‘out-like-a-light’ sleep? Not sure, but it probably has to do with not going to bed early enough. I was trying to fill in a form. Or, more accurately, trying to write my CV so I can send it off with the already-filled-in-form to the nice lady who wants it. I probably haven’t done many more exciting/relevant things than the average person, but the manner in which we moved around while I was small, means I went to a LOT of schools. Then, despite changing schools again in order to do my selection of A-Levels, I ended up attending yet another school parallel to the first (eighth) because they cancelled the course after AS. But I digress.

Being a Brit living in Germany generally confuses things anyway, but in this case makes things especially complicated because I don’t have the same sort of report as they do. We have a final exam/coursework based grade and a certificate for each subject, they have a report with the result of every test they’ve ever taken on it. Someone works out the average overall grade, based on how many hours over how many years were spent learning which subject and [probably] what the headteacher eats for breakfast. At least I think that’s what they do. What sort of school you went to, and in which county, determines what people think of the number produced at the end of all the calculations. Whatever. I don’t have one. So I have to explain what my string of letters mean to the official people who are expecting a solitary number.

Oh yeah, and I spent a year ‘dossing’ between sixth form and starting my apprenticeship. At least on paper I dossed. In reality, chasing after small children didn’t feel much like dossing.

I haven’t figured out how to fit all that on one side of A4, so that it’s still readable, and fits the requirements of being in reverse chronological order. Yet.

I would be quite happy to spend the next few weeks working on it (like playing Tetris), but it should already be lying on the nice lady’s desk. And it’s worth something like 1500€. *sighs* With a price tag like that it ought to be at the top of my priority list. Which it was for about 3 minutes, and then life happened. Which is why I was still up at 12:30 last night. At one point it looked quite hopeful that I was going to have something to show for my lack of sleep, until my printer decided it was going to have a headache and print one stripy line a minute. ARGH.

I gave up, washed my hair and went to bed. I did admittedly sleep remarkably well, until the lorry reversed into my room anyway.

I left the house at least 6 minutes too late, realised it was raining, rushed back upstairs for my umbrella, rushed back down my stairs and then up the next flight of steps to the street (oh the joys of living on a hill ;)). I arrived, with wet feet and my jeans a couple of shades darker than usual, 1 (or 3) minutes late, depending on which clock you go by. This remarkably didn’t translate into decibels, but rather into a scowl which, while not being particularly upcheering, was at least gentler on the ears.


The connection to the title? Pff.. Isn’t that obvious? I didn’t eat much yesterday, and didn’t leave myself time for breakfast. Running while hungry is silly, and much harder than it ought to be. The rain didn’t help, but I can usually make the journey in about 9 minutes if I run compared to 17 if I walk, today I needed 14 despite attempting to run between alternate lampposts.

Okay, so maybe that’s a bit of an overkill, but I need something to blame πŸ™‚

On being recognised

On the way back from church this morning, I walked past a group of small bundles which I presumed were children. From the identical noses and blonde pigtails – only just about visible under the hats – I decided 2 of them must be the twins from Sunday School. There can’t be that many small blonde twins within walking distance of my church after all. I said hi in a vague ‘good-morning-to-strangers’ kind of way and carried on homewards. The women standing with them ignored me completely, but the kids said (in a stage whisper loud enough for me to hear them several paces away), “That’s the new lady from Sunday School!” This was followed by some kind of mumbling which I assume must have been their reply, whereupon they told them who I was for a second time.

I’ve been in Sunday School exactly twice; 3 weeks ago and a month before that. Way back when I was 4 I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t’ve been able to recognise someone walking past, having only seen them twice. Specially if they were dressed differently and I was playing a game..

Quite liked being recognised tho πŸ˜‰

On the danger of helping at Jumble Sales

My new stool rocks! πŸ™‚
Someone apparently thought I was responsible enough to sell lunch tickets..

I have just got back from the church bazaar. I set out to help sell lunch tokens (which I think I already mentioned ;)) and since I was offered a lift home and a meal as a reward, I stuck around to help out with tidying up.

As a result, I’ve ended up with 40 books, 4 boxes of “stuff”, 2 tubs of leftover “Linsen mit Spaetzle” and a new rocking stoolΒ  (fantastic things – apparently good for your back muscles too).

Once the official selling time ran out, everything was sorted into boxes to keep for next year or to throw away. Boxes of ceramics and pottery, boxes of glassware, boxes of wood, boxes of plastic, boxes of books. I’m not nearly as heartless as the professionals, so I wasn’t really a lot of help on the scrapping front. After half an hour of standing aimlessly in the way and asking busy people if things were to keep or throw, I decided it’d be more useful if I swept the floor and moved the boxes other people had filled. So I did that. Sweeping floors is brilliant. Not only do I quite like doing it anyway, cuz you can see it has an effect, but it also makes you look like you’re really helpful and efficient when all you’re really doing is wandering about.. *grins*

My fir cone men

I was given a jar of apple jelly, a couple of pieces of cake and 2 cups of tea. I bought some ueber cute fir cone men made by the kids at an outdoor Kindergarten.

In between wandering and sweeping, I ‘rescued’ quite a lot of things from certain ‘death’ or at least from the bin. This is where the boxes of ‘stuff’ appear on the scene.

Things like picture frames can be tarted up (I have LOTS of as yet unframed pictures), plant pots are almost always good, as are serving plates (the sort you put biscuits on when people come over for tea).

On the other hand, some of the stuff is quite obviously anything but Jessish. So why bring it back? Mostly because it would have been thrown away otherwise and I’m pretty sure I can sell it or give it to someone who’ll appreciate it. Hopefully. If I can’t, I can always throw it away myself. That’s the long-term plan anyway.

The short-term plan is to sort my kitchen out (which I still haven’t done), and find homes for all my new things, though probably not in that order…

YAY πŸ™‚

P.S. I walked down to the church hall with this amazing sky:

I love sky πŸ™‚

On fighting suitcases…

(-The story behind yesterday’s walk home-)

Over the years I’ve had a fair bit of practice at this. As a kid we went on holiday incredibly regularly. Mostly camping, or visiting grandparents, but nevertheless ‘going away’. This almost always calls for packing and carrying some kind of luggage. The folks packed the tent and other useful stuffages so I only had to pack MY things. Usually a backpack is enough for a short trip, but since we almost invariably drove to our final destination it didn’t really matter if things didn’t fit. We had the sort of suitcases you can sit on to do up, ones with buckles and locks. Later, ones with zips. When the family took up flying and hostelling, backpacking moved more into focus. We seemed to fly to the most distant airport from where we wanted to end up, and walk. Walking from an airport equates to carrying your backpack. We also spent considerable time travelling between towns and beaches and generally being on the move. Over time it became normal to have a really good think about whether something made the grade to stay packed, BEFORE setting out. When I started DofE I realised just how important it was to get everything into one backpack, including all the important stuff like tents, sleeping bags and stoves.. (Having a bag with decent straps is also sensible, but that’s a different story). Doing the Offa’s Dyke walk a couple of years later I was surprised to find that not everyone had had the same experience. We (as a group, so as not to name names) sent approximately 25 kg of ‘excess baggage’Β  home from a remote post office en route.

At some point in [my] history, suitcases with wheels became more common. I don’t know why they hadn’t been thought of before, but they’re a brilliant invention. Anyone who has tried travelling with 30kg of anything will back me up on this.

I moved to Germany 7 and a bit years ago and since then have had a lot of opportunity to fly, move house, visit people a long way off and go sightseeing. I have got through about 4 suitcases, with and without wheels, and have been known to pack my things in washing baskets. As a rule I have too much stuff and, despite all the warnings, still carry too much on a regular basis. Especially when coming back from shopping πŸ˜‰

Considering all this, I don’t seem to have made a lot of progress when it comes to actually fighting the silly things.

My folks were here recently and left me a ‘broken’ suitcase which I think originally belonged to my sister. I don’t really know where or how it’s broken, so I’ve been using it since to go shopping. I had a party at work (will probably make its own post soon) which I needed to cater for and this meant lugging drinks and food from town to my house, and from my house to work. When I usually go foodshopping, I take cloth bags with me, pick up an empty box while perusing the isles and therefore know how much more I can buy before my arms drop off. Once everything’s paid for it makes its way into my rucksack and/or my cloth bags and I go home. Easy. Ish. I live by myself, so most of the time I only have to feed one person. I eat enough, but there’s only so much food a person [of normal build] can get through so I don’t often have to carry THAT much home – unless Aldi has a good deal on huge plastic tubs or duvets or papercutting devices that is..

This time I knew I was feeding most of the people I spend time with at work and had come prepared. I had my sisters ex-suitcase with me.Β  I felt ready to take on the world. I got a trolley. WHOO!! – No more juggling with halffilled boxes while bending down to get something off the bottom shelf. No more onehanded unpacking. No more looking for a bigger empty box when the original becomes too full. Bliss.

The bliss lasted until I reached the other side of the till and realised I was going to have to give my trolley back.

Damn.

Then I remembered I had my suitcase.. So all was not lost.

While I don’t have anything very much against alcohol, I don’t see why I should buy it for other people when I don’t drink it myself. This doesn’t go down well in Germany. But anyway. My party, my rules. I bought enough for everyone to comfortably drink their usual fill, except I didn’t buy beer, I bought I bought fizzy water and fruit juice. This would be largely irrelevant, if it wasn’t for the fact that liquid is heavy. Very heavy. Heavier, in fact, than I’m guessing the suitcase had ever been subjected to previously. 18 bottles of water a 1.5L plus 16 L of fruitjuice = 43L. Assuming the packaging weighs nothing (which blatantly isn’t true) and that water and juice both weigh 1kg/L that’s 43kg. And I didn’t only buy drinks. I also bought crisps and other frivolities like onions and lettuce.

Having got myself and my shopping out of both the trolley and the shop, I realised I had left my buspass at home with my previous pile of shopping (even I don’t try to buy real food at the same time as drinks). I phoned a friend. No luck – when faced between going out for dinner and lugging the best part of 50kg up a hill I know what I would choose. They chose it too. The other people I tried phoning – the people I know have a car – were out. Walking it is then – YAY!! And then I found a bus ticket in my pocket. Not my buspass, where I can travel for ‘free’ (as long as I pay the monthly subscription), but a proper ticket which needs stamping. Better than nothing, and certainly better than walking the “long miles” (/4km) home (thanks RT).

Once on the bus I decided that my original idea was a very silly one, and that it made no sense to take anything home which was going to be needed for the party. I got off the bus at the stop closest to where I work (luckily on the same busroute) and tried to persuade the suitcase it wanted to come with me. It took more persuasion than I care to write about, but we both ended up on the pavement so it was okay. So far so good. Now to go about getting from the busstop to the party room. It is a stretch of maybe 150m. It usually takes about 2-3 minutes to get there, including the time you have to wait for the lights to go green. For this trip I think I needed something more in the region of 23 minutes. I stopped every few metres to let the blood back into my fingers and to get my breath back. I’d swap hands and tackle the next couple of metres and then stop again. I don’t remember the last time I made such slow and painfull progress.

When we finally got there, I unloaded everything liquid out of the bag and went home.
The next day (after a remarkably short night) I packed the 3 deep trays of freshly prepared lasagne into my trusty suitcase and trudged into work. They too were heavy, but nothing compared to the ordeal of the evening before.

The party happened, or didn’t as the case may be, and the leftovers were left for the next day. The next day came and went without making much of a mark on anything, which is why I came to once more be dragging my suitcase on and off busses and fighting for blood in my fingertips. However, I did leave the juice at work, to be collected at a later date. I might be a little overenthusiastic when packing but I don’t have a death wish.

The handle is made of plastic coated cloth sewn onto the end of the case, which I guess is pretty handy, but it does mean you have to either stoop or hold the case at about 45 degrees to the floor.

It bit me. Repeatedly.

For some reason I can only really pull suitcases or trolleys with my right hand as my left one stays too close to my body and so makes whatever I’m pulling bash my ankles. I’m used to having a telescope handle on my suitcases, which helps on the ankle-bashing front, but which this particular case doesn’t have. When you take a step the re-enforced end bashes into the back of your leg, and the handle digs into your hand and pinches the skin at the joints. Even when dragging with my right hand it bashed me. It might not have been an entirely fair fight, given that I still weigh more than it does, but I don’t think that gave me any advantages over it. I didn’t give up, but it didn’t either..Β  I suppose I must have won overall, since both I and it made it back in one piece, but I think I have to give it points for effort. It also appears to have suffered no damage at all, whereas my leg is decidedly more bruised than it was when I started.

On not sleeping…

Explain this:

  • Pausing to admire the sun

    This morning, as on many others, I had to fight myself to get out of bed. It was so cold everywhere but under the duvet, and I snoozed and I faffed about and ended up running halfway to work, so as to be marginally less late. (My minutes of lateness seem to add tens of decibels to my collegue’s vocal utterings. There are mornings on which my ears just aren’t up for that kind of treatment).

  • I spent the entire [work]day waiting more-or-less patiently to go home in order to get back to bed where I can begin the wonderful task of paying back my horrendous sleep debt.
  • evidence of a misspent night (Weds)

    Having just about made it home via an agonising process of “c’mon, you can make it to the next lamppost…and to that tree…just that staircase then you’re there…”*, I then had a bath instead of a quick shower and proceeded to completely miss the turning to my room, making a beeline for my computer desk and spending the evening reading other peoples’ blogs instead of actually going to bed (or eating or clearing up my kitchen or doing any of a number of productive things).

I got home at about 4pm. It’s now half past 1 in the morning. WHAT HAPPENED??

I have a wonderful bed

It’s not like I don’t have a bed. Or that the bed I have is in any way uncomfortable or uninviting. It’s a fantastic bed. The sheet’s clean and I even have a new duvet. I had about 6 hours sleep last night, and not quite 4 the night before that. The few nights before that were also shorter than optimal.. So by rights – or at least by my reckoning – I’m owed at the very least 4 hours extra sleep tonight. Tomorrow (today) I’m going to sell lunch tokens to people. That means dealing with money and giving the correct change, and that means mental maffs and would be much better accomplished with the ability to think vaguely straight. This is generally achieved by getting enough sleep.

If I know this AND am tired, WHY ON EARTH don’t I just go to bed?

The answer is I haven’t the faintest idea.

Or at least, none that would hold any water if it happened to have any poured on it.

My theory is that there must be some kind of magic woven into the words. Magic isn’t really one of my big themes, what with being Christian and all, but I can’t think of a better word to describe it. If I’m not actively choosing to stay awake (and if I am I’m not aware of it) what am I doing still up? There must be some kind of something keeping me here.

So just what kind of ‘magic’ (for want of a better word) do these blog-writers create? How does it work? And more importantly, at least for me right now, is “why am I not producing my own trail of sleep-deprived people?”

And that, dear readers, is why I made this blog. You are my guinea pigs. I want to find out what causes readers to read against their better judgement.

I also want to give some of the more restless thoughts and wonderings in my head space to run about and play, and give the others space to grow. And besides. If my brother can become a successfull blog-writer, why shouldn’t I be able to?

Dragged not carried

*in my defense, I WAS heaving/dragging 21 Litres of water and something like 6kg of Lasagne in a cloth trolley-suitcase behind me at the time…