On lacking trust

This morning I bought 10 chocolate catfish. They are small and dark brown and incredibly cute.

The saleslady at the fish market said they’d grow to approximately 4-5cm long – perfect for my tank. I had no signal in the salesroom, so I couldn’t check anything online. I bought the fish, based purely on sight and the assurance of the saleslady.

When I reached civilization (;)) I googled them. Apparently there’s no such thing. I tried various other searches and decided they must be a dark brown version of Corydoras Aeneus. They grow to 8cm long. That’s almost double what I was expecting. I’m awful at playing catch (to get them out of an aquarium), especially when there’s lots of plants to hide in, so I aim not to have to try. That means I have to decide where they’re going in advance and that is dangerously close to planning.

I don’t plan.

After a long time of faffing about, googling and trying to make a decision, I took the fish to xDB’s, and put them into his tank with my other babies. He’s doing a great job of looking after them for me.

After I got home, fishless, I found a website selling a breed of dark brown catfish which supposedly reach an adult length of 5-6cm. 

Maybe the saleslady is right after all. Maybe I can pick my fish up in a couple of months and know they’ll be ok to live with my other fish.

But what if they really will get that big, what if she just wanted to sell them? I guess it worked – I bought them…
I’m not sure whether I lack trust or have too much.

On friendship and ignoration

Friendship is one of those things that should be easier than it is. Sometimes I think I’ve figured it out, and then BAM! I’ve buggered it up. Or they have. Whichever. It still sucks. And just as we get over whatever problem there was, something else happens. Round and round and round (though not so merrily).

This time round, it was a friend I hadn’t spoken to in months. There had been a trust issue at the end of last year, and it took a while to sort out. Since then our paths hadn’t crossed much. When they had, we’d been civil, but not exactly friendly.

Until last Friday.

We ended up at a meeting together. It wasn’t entirely unforseen, it’s a mutual interest, but they hadn’t been to any of the previous meetings so I wasn’t expecting it.

Afterwards, they stopped to ask how things are, and to talk about the meeting.

So far so good.

On our separate ways home, a text conversation commenced.

Apparently they’d decided to stop ignoring me. I wasn’t even aware that they had been. I thought, naiively, that it was just the way things were.

I am so naiive.