Holding your tongue until you have something good to say is generally a good idea.
Being so full of negativity that you practically explode from not talking, isn’t.
Especially if your negativity is toxic enough to radiate into your surroundings.
I don’t have a lot of answers or suggestions for you, I just know that I find it difficult to be where you are and that that sucks.
Please try and find a way to unload at least some of the “anti”-luggage.
Pretty please, with sprinkles or cherries or grated chocolate or whatever floats your particular tasteboat.
It would make it easier for me to be around you and might even make you feel good enough to find things to talk about.
In turn that would improve things more and from there it’s a good spiral upwards.
Now you just need to figure out how to let go.
I’m afraid I can’t help you with that…