On letting the side down

Dear amazing women of the world,

I apologise.

I apologise for letting the side down. Again.

I apologise for not being able to compare to your incredible standards of awesomeness.

I apologise for my lack of ability (and interest) to keep house the way houses are supposed to be kept. For my chaos. For the unpacked boxes. For my shortage of prettifying touches. For the wrinkles in the spread when I’ve made the bed in a hurry. For leaving the washing up out to dry itself. For not replacing the towels when I’ve put the old ones in the wash. For not completely filling the washing machine when doing a hot wash. For forgetting to take it out of the machine afterwards or leaving on the stand way longer than necessary. For not folding it neatly enough and for not putting it away properly.

For not timing my cooking to a regular mealtime. For forgetting to take the milk out of the freezer before the other one’s empty. For letting the apples rot in their box.

For arriving late and without my keys or paperwork or paper hankies. For missing my train, bus, plane, or for making people wait for me.

For my lack of elegance and sexy underwear and make up. For the fat I’ve accumulated over the last year. For the frumpy clothing I wear until I’m thin enough to warrant going shopping.

I could go on.

I won’t because you won’t get it, you perfect people, and the other ones, the ones that aren’t perfect (I’m assuming I’m not the only one, despite being told otherwise), already know what I’m thinking and feeling, because they, presumably, think and feel it too.

I’m pretty sure no one has to be perfect before they can start enjoying life, but you, you perfect specimens, you make it hard for the rest of us. You stand up there on your pedestal with people looking up to you and down to us and making comparisons. If I wasn’t spending all my time bettering myself, I might look for something to criticise. I don’t actually have anything against you personally, just against people using you as the standard, unattainable as it may be.

You know what though? If the ground was made of diamonds instead of mud, the diamonds wouldn’t be special and nothing would grow..


0 thoughts on “On letting the side down

  1. Holy Cow! What, or who, prompted this? I’ll punch them in the face! Judging others by what is seen, or noticed, is a bigger failing than the actual untidiness or frumpiness. In my personal opinion, the judges of these things don’t know what preceded the supposed fault. Illness, being up 24 hours with a sick or ailing infant or child, grieving the recent loss of a loved one, depression, or just the fact of a super busy life with mo time to spare.

    When I catch myself judging someone because of what I see, I remind myself I don’t know what is going on in their life.

    Sorry you have been harassed by this enough so to write this post.


    1. Sorry it’s taken so long to reply, my folks were here for Easter..

      There wasn’t really prompted by one incident or one person, it was more an accumulation of comments and situations (and probably well meant suggestions) which made me feel less than. Less than organised, less than able, less than pretty, less than worthy, less than standard. (“Why don’t you make the place pretty? All women take the time to make things pretty.” “Hey look at me – I just made a new hole in my belt, aren’t I inspiring, when are you going to follow my lead?” “Hurry up, we’re going to be late again and I hate being late” Etc etc etc).

      I can usually take a lot, but sometimes it all adds up (and joins sides with my negative voice and my messed up pms hormones) and bashes me, at which point I break down and cry and surprise everyone around me.

      I’m glad you’re on my side, I’ll let you know when someone needs punching! 🙂

      1. I think there’s so much more to people than what you see. And I know I judge too much and notice too much, but I know how much I mess things up so I’m working on not criticising other people. That’s one of the reasons for this blog name btw. I have to remember that not everyone is working on the same goal…

      2. Man :/ I’m so sorry that you got ganged up on. That stinks! Worse yet, from family who are there to love you for yourself and not expect you to be someone else.

        I’ve had to edit my comment here….delete what I’ve written a couple times. My “old self” was speaking from the pits and I have to slam the lid on it :/

        Listen, I have to do this a lot to myself. Take a deep breath and remember that the people who spouted crap had gone off somewhere else, within 10 minutes, and totally forgotten what they had said to you. This makes the hurtful things they said bear no weight.

        You will get – organized, make your place pretty, put a new hole in your belt, and not be late – IN YOUR OWN TIME and not their time. As for “inspiring”, that is just mean. He-llo-o-o-o. Does that “inspiring” fool have a blog to show off the things they do and accomplish?! Probably not. So YOU are the inspiring one.

        Sorry. I should have stopped while I was ahead :/

        Hugs to you my friend

    1. Hallo stranger, welcome to the blog 🙂

      I was going to say I was happy you can identify, but I won’t, because it sucks that anyone should have to feel like that. Even if it makes me feel better knowing that I’m not the only one!!

      How do you handle it when it happens?

      1. Glad I could help you feel slightly better about it. Honestly, I have accepted that I nor the woman who appears to have it together is perfect. I won’t lie, I am envious at times. I wish I could be flawless everytime I step out the door, or never make mistakes, or become forgetful. I just remind myself that I don’t know what is going on in that person’s life. I don’t know what sacrifices they had to make. An example, some people may have felt the same way about my mom when they saw her a few years ago. Beautiful home on 2.5 lots, brand new car, two beautiful kids who were honors graduates heading to college. However, strangers who saw her don’t know that she just lost her husband. They may have been thinking, “Must be nice!” They just didn’t know, the depression she was suffering, the pain, the sleepless nights, crying and everything else.

        Some women may work really hard to appear perfect. Personally as a mother of two boys (2 & 9) and two stepdaughters (8 & 11) I don’t care as much as I used to. It’s hard working PT, being a wife, mother, student, friend, counselor, the list goes on! My free time is for me and what I enjoy. Not trying to be like the next woman. If anything, don’t apologize for being the woman you are. You are a great woman, a REAL woman. Real women have flaws and plenty of them. We don’t hide behind our exterior. Keep being you, don’t worry about the rest.II’m sure if you ask them they would probably kill to relax just a bit and make errors, cry, skip a workout, eat what they crave, be comfortable in their skin! They are merely existing, not living! Keep living, you’ll enjoy it better!

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