Getting angry is easy.
Getting unangry isn’t. At least, I don’t think it is.
Yesterday was an angry day. (And I also didn’t post, so this is a catch up).
I asked three people what they do to get rid of their own anger and all three of them said they listen to loud music. One added that if it doesn’t work, they listen to more music (and/or more loudly). Additionally, one suggested screaming and one admitted to driving very fast.
I tend to want to hit things. I don’t actually hit them – I need my hands uninjured – but the wanting is still there. I also tend to cry. The sort that is uncontrolled and hot and loud and results in puffy eyes and an entire binload of used tissues.
Yesterday I went for music instead. It’s not the first time I’ve listened to music when angry, but it was probably the first time I have done so purposefully, with getting rid of my anger the only motivation.
It helped. I probably need a couple more doses 😉 but I am, a day/night and several hours of loud music later, down to a level of anger that isn’t, probably, going to involve injury to myself, anyone or anything else.
Who knows. Maybe I’ll find something creative to do with all this imbalanced energy soon.
In the meantime I will prescribe myself another dose of the Dixie Chicks’ “not ready to make nice (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IHH8bfPhusM) at full computer-speaker-volume in the workshop.
Luckily my colleague is on holiday 🙂 🙂 🙂
It rained on the way to the train station.
I understand that it has to rain sometimes. I know the ground is rock hard. I know the farmers have been practically begging for rain for weeks. That’s all good and logical. I’m all for happy farmers.
Why can’t it rain when I don’t have to be outside?! I need about 10 minutes to get to the station. That leaves a lot of day to rain through.
But no. It had to rain while I was out. And now I’m on the train with wet jeans and wet feet and a wet coat*.
And a bad mood, but that was caused by the glass I was working on before I left work.
And it’s cold. It promised to be spring. We had almost 20 degrees last week. Today it’s probably not even 8, and that feels cold. Besides, I’m a glassblower and glassblowers need for it not to be cold. But no one asked for my opinion.
You know what?
It takes a whole lot longer to dry than to get wet…
* I think it must be broken, it used to be waterproof 🙁
(I was just looking though my posts and found a draft version of Wednesday’s post. I thought it was competely gone, but apparently not. Here it is.)
I don’t know why I give either as much power as I do.
Yesterday wasn’t a particularly spectacular day. As well as losing my halo, I also lost my good mood.
However, it did show me something I didn’t want to see: I am easily swayed by external influences. More so than I’d like to admit.
- My glass didn’t want to co-operate. At all. In any way, shape or form. Pretty much everything that CAN go wrong, did. It broke, twisted, cracked, went cloudy, refused to melt, melted too much, looked ok until it cooled down and then broke. Whatever. If you think of something that could happen it quite possibly did. I even contemplated (not for the first time) quitting and becoming something else. I won’t. Mostly because I have less than no idea what I would be better at, but also because some crazy part of me loves a challenge and thinks I have more than a snowflake’s chance of improving.. And because glass is the best thing since.. Since what actually? It’s been around for 7000 years. That’s a whole lot longer than sliced bread. But I guess that’s irrelevant. There’s something therapeutic about watching it melt (except when it’s not supposed to, and even then it’s pretty cool). As they say, “only glass is like glass”.
- There are some people who have the ability to make me want to hit them (or failing that then a wall) just by existing (in my vicinity, I doubt I’d mind them existing elsewhere). I obviously don’t, haven’t, and hopefully never will, but I dislike the aggression that builds in me when they appear on my radar. Noticing my aggression makes me cross. Being cross doesn’t exactly help get rid of the desire to hit things.
- I would have had an argument if I hadn’t picked a monologist to argue with. Having listened [politely] to half an hour’s ranting about how awful I am, I find being told to ‘leave well alone’ when trying to defend myself, sucks more than arguing would have done..
- I would have probably taken my bad mood home and had a rubbish evening if I hadn’t been brought chocolate by a thoughtful person – who didn’t even know I needed it until afterwards – just because. (Thank you, even if you will probably never read this). I’m not nearly grateful enough for the people who make life better.. I spend too much time and energy trying to pacify the people who make it worse, instead of concentrating on the good ones.
Why is my happiness and my good mood subject to things, situations, other people and chocolate?